I don't plan on ever sharing this blog with anyone, but I have GOT to get these feelings out. Do you know what it's like to find pictures of your husband with another girl online? You know you're looking at your husband, but your mind can't grasp that it could actually be your husband. "The best boyfriend ever!" she writes on her Facebook page. "Had the best night last night with my man" on another post. Your man? That is my man. "I love this whole being spoiled thing" was the caption to the flowers he sent her on our anniversary. "In a Relationship" on July 7th, and we are now in December. How did this go on for so long and how did I not see it? How can one human being do this to another? How can what I once knew as my entire world all the sudden be full of lies and deceit. How do I face my children? How do I protect them? How do I ever believe another word out of his mouth. We've talked once since the big revelation 11 days ago, and all he can say is "What did you expect would happen.....I'm sorry for the way you found out.....It's not what it looks like." It's not what is looks like? It looks like you were telling your wife that you wanted to be with her, while maintaining a perfect boyfriend status with her.

I'm going to throw up. I feel so sick to my stomach. I couldn't eat for an entire week. I've lost almost 10 pounds. All those pictures are engraved in my head. Pictures of them on vacations together. Pictures of them kissing. Pictures of him holding her the way he used to hold me. I don't know anything anymore. I don't even know who I am. I feel like someone needs to pinch me hard enough that I will wake up, Daddy will come home and everything will be back together again. We will be a family again. I feel like I am in a sick dream.