Coincidence

I have no life. I haven't for some time. My life has been Jared. I don't really go out. I don't really have anyone to go out with. Friends? I have one, and she lives in Texas. Sure, I have surface friends, but only one could-trust-with-my-life-and-tell-my-deepest-secrets-to friend.

Jared has the kids on Friday nights. I hate it. I always think I'll look forward to it. You know, have some quality "me" time. But I miss the kids like crazy and usually end up drowning in my own tears, which then resorts to me showing up on my parents door step like a typical 30 year old girl who can't take care of herself. What makes it even worse is he won't let me call and talk to the kids or say goodnight. You would think one night out of seven isn't that bad, but I absolutely hate it.

A couple weeks ago I got a message from an old co-worker on Facebook. She wanted to go out on the upcoming Friday night. I was having so much anxiety about being away from the kids again, that I didn't hesitate to take her up on the offer. It was nice to get out. Instead of thinking about Jared and the whole situation every 10 seconds, I only did about every minute. It was a nice break for my brain.

A few days later one of my old high school friends text me asking if I wanted to join her and one of our other friends for dinner on Friday. Again, I was relieved to not have to worry about what I would do with my time away from the kids. After dinner we stayed at my friend's house talking and laughing until 12:30 in the morning. It was just what I needed. I was able to open up to them a little bit, hopefully not too much, and it brought back the feeling of how close we all used to be before we started having our own families.

Then, out of the blue, my best friend from my childhood sent me a message asking if I wanted to go to dinner sometime. I told her Fridays were my best night and she said they work great for her too. I know she's lying because she has a husband and two young children, but she was very kind to offer. My best friend is flying into town this weekend, so I told her the one after that would be great.

All this anxiety about Friday nights and all the sudden I have 4 of them in a row planned out. I really do feel like God is watching out for me. Although it doesn't change the harsh reality of my situation, or even make a dent in the depression I'm experiencing, it does help to know there are people out there that genuinely do care. I'm trying to find some light when I feel trapped in the dark. And 4 weekends in a row? I'll take that.